I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
