my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
