We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
