I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
