If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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