you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
