Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize