i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
