just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
