dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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