I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
