The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
