She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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