Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
