she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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