sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
