I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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