Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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