3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
