My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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