what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
