It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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