Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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