ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
