Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
