She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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