just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
