that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
