Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
