Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
