you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
