I just cut my nipple shaving
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
