peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
