so explain again why im purple
no
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
