god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
