$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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