So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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