even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
