If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
