White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who died my cat blue again?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
