I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
