Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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