is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
