I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
