Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
