Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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