He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
