I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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