Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
