Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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