and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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