we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
