porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
