I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
