3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
