never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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