Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You smell like stripper and shame
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
