Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
