Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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