She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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