had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
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She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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