Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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