She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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