i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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