well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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