mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
