dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
