Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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