My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
