Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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